+ pesky packaging.

Bonjour-no.


I hope that you all become aware of this nasty feature of life after I point it out riiighhtttt nooowwww!!!


The horrendous challenge that is packaging.


Let me waltz you through a scenario that presented itself to me last week. 
Hello, what's this? Oh father dear felt it was necessary to test my IQ with a $4.50 pack of cards with questions on it, thanks a bunch. So I am sitting here with this packet of cards -  that will soon stereotype me into a category depending on my ability to add a couple digits together and identify shapes and so forth - in my pudgy hands staring at it. It was like the old pass the parcel games you used to play at your eighth birthday, except your Mom cleverly catered for every child at least twice so no one missed out, so there was about thirty layers. Yes, this was one hell of a parcel, but there was no lolly incentive.  Let me introduce to you the layers upon layers of packaging. The top layer was the Myers tape, the one that has that pain in the ass-ymptote black and white tape that you can never find the end of - yeah, how inviting. Layer two: that awful plastic you get that covers just about everything, from those sticky note pads, to tick tacks, to gum, and some DVDs. The transparent demon. And you'd assume that it would have one of red pull tabs that would enable you to rip off that layer and make your life easy. Oh no. That would make my life too easy. After I clawed away at that for at least a minute I breathed a sigh of relief, finally the end.......Oh no you didn't. I was ready to scream. Some moron thought it'd be a swell idea to double coat that futuristic forcefield. Another minute spent hacking away at that layer. At this time I had spent a decent four minutes attempting to reach this stupid box of cards and had yelled at the box on various occasions. One more layer and then I'd retire. One more layer. 
Boy, did I underestimate this layer. Picture cellotape. Invisible, and therefore the ends are, well not there, it stretches when you tug at it, excellent as a substitute for ducktape (yes, I'm conscious it's not duck but it's highly amusing) in a kidnapping situation, it's essentially the most amazing adhesive invented in the last century. And it is for all of these reasons that I loathe it. Despise it, detest it. It's the worst adhesive invented in the last century. I'd take duck over cello tape any day when being snaffled and interrogated. Why? Because they could at least find the end so when they rip it off of you it doesn't shear of into triangular shards, that and you might get that moe wax you have been meaning to book... Last layer. Last layer. At this point my brother joined me, started to cheer me on like it was some challenge or dare. 
Eight minutes later, I timed it, from when I began, I reached the prize, which turned out to be even more frustrating and challenging than anticipated. 

Seriously though, you know it's getting bad (well the XY hoard won't quite understand, or at least you'd hope not) when you're having to ditch a particular brand of tampon because you can't figure out how to open it. Or have been turned off lollypops due to the iconic frustration that precedes the sugary inside. Or the ridiculously pointless and infuriating plastic covers on bottles, if you have the cap, you don't need the plastic on the plastic, too much plastic!!! The covering on DVDs, CDs, boxsets and all those hitech crap. It's all unnecessary. 


After little thought, I will declare the worst to be the heat sealed packaging. The kind you find on games such as BopIt, your Tamagotchi, the kind where the product will be hovering in a shield of plasticy goodness, surrounded by a boarder of colourful advertising and the knifes for edges that could cause severe damage if inappropriately handled. How on earth do you go about it?! Do you reach for the scizzors? Stanley knife? I'll tell you, don't buy the product! 

Essentially, the IQ test wasn't the card set, it was getting to them. If you're clever and patient enough to navigate your way through the small atmosphere of plastic, you're practically Einstein. 

Stay Tuned.
life's narcissistic narrator.
+ the red fox.

 -OVER AND OUT-